Supplemental Entry #2: Thanksgiving…Woof

America is at an impasse. We are currently neck-deep in a pandemic and sinking fast, but the only day of the year on which we are legally allowed to show thanks for a bountiful harvest is quickly approaching.

My distaste for Thanksgiving is no secret. Even before COVID-19, I have lobbied for the abolition of Thanksgiving, so call me an opportunist. Still, I believe that now is the perfect time to end this nightmare of a holiday, albeit only temporarily.

Do you know what holidays I love? Memorial Day, Fourth of July, and Labor Day, and an argument could be made that these holidays are pretty much the same. These are all outdoor holidays celebrated with grilled food.

Twenty people outdoors is a party, but twenty people indoors is a loud, anxiety-inducing clusterfuck. (To say nothing about the public health concerns involved.)

Stacking your moderately liberal cousin on top of your conservative uncle who sees politics as binary (Right or Communism) is an awful idea. Unfortunately, late November weather in northern states has been known to prevent outdoor activities. Therefore, the entire gathering gets to hear about why the government should coerce inner-city teenagers into sterilization programs and galaxy-brained hypotheticals such as “what if discrimination is good?”

Throw in the fact that our lamest-of-ducks president is wildly spreading conspiracy theories in a feeble attempt to maintain the power to do nothing about COVID-19 and unquestionably won’t concede by the 26th, and you have yourself a powder keg.

As a nation, we don’t see eye-to-eye right now, and we aren’t going to. We exist on incongruous planes of understanding, and it will take more than a corporate parade and Detroit Lions football to reconcile our differences. Perhaps absence will make the heart grow fonder because awkwardly forced union will surely make the heart grow fungus.

If your argument for why Thanksgiving isn’t the worst day of the year has anything to with the food, I have news for you — you can eat turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, and sweet potatoes with marshmallows as a side — not a dessert —year-round, you just choose not to. Why? Because it is difficult, and the juice isn’t worth the squeeze more than once per year. Brats and hamburgers are easy and good; that is why we have three brat and hamburger holidays. Furthermore, there are no COVID-19 related restrictions prohibiting holiday fare consumption.

I don’t want to sound like I don’t want to give thanks for a bountiful harvest because I am a big fan of agricultural prosperity, and televised parades that showcase cartoon balloons filled with a rapidly depleting non-renewable resource are really my thing. However, it would probably be in our national best interest if we kick this can down the road until there is a vaccine and/or we can congregate outdoors.

If, for some reason, you still feel compelled to give thanks to your friends and family, nothing is stopping you from doing that right now.

People are struggling. Some people are experiencing isolation for the first time. For others, COVID-19 has exacerbated the isolation they already experience daily. People have lost their jobs, and they have lost their loved ones. It was not the masks nor the restrictions that caused the loneliness and loss. It was the COVID-19, and the longer it goes uncontrolled, the longer loneliness and loss will be common symptoms of American life.

Finally, the holidays are always a tough time, especially for those struggling with their mental health. COVID-19, isolation, and layoffs have put this holiday season on a pretty tragic trajectory. If you find yourself struggling with depression, seek help from a mental health professional, and lean into your friends and family. They want to help you. If you have thoughts of self-harm, call 1-800-273-8255 or 911 and know that feelings of hopelessness are temporary.